


Half Asleep / Wide Awake

by boxofwonder



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst Wrapped In Romcom, Catastrophic kitten names, Comfortably bisexual Daichi, Future Fic, Kuroo calls Daichi love not so platonically, M/M, Mariana's Trench's Discography: The Fanfic, Yui calls Daichi darling platonically
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-11
Updated: 2015-07-21
Packaged: 2018-04-08 20:50:07
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 16,894
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4320201
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/boxofwonder/pseuds/boxofwonder
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Y’know why she broke up with me?”<br/>“Cause she realised she could never be good enough for you?”<br/>Daichi blew air through his nose. “Because I’m still living with my ex.”<br/>“I’m not your ex, I’m your <em>best friend</em>.”<br/>“You’re both.” </p><p>In which Daichi wants change, Kuroo doesn't want to lose his best friend, and life has never been kind to them.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Cross My Heart

**Author's Note:**

> This fic began as a bet that I could keep it an 8k oneshot. [hollow laughter]  
> There you have it, I lost since it's 13k at the moment and does work better with multiple chapters. Whoops. Since it's completely written out already, ideally I'll update daily from here on out. Don't worry, guys, it'll be fast ride. Three chapters and the tiniest epilogue! 
> 
> It also quickly evolved into writing far out of my comfort zone, but I guess that's how you get better? I hope you'll enjoy <3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _I like to think that we had it all_   
>  _We drew a map to a better place_   
>  _But on that road I took a fall_   
>  _Oh baby why did you run away?_

“ _You don’t understand! I_ like _you, Sawamura! So, just - give me some space, alright?!”_

_Daichi still remembered Kuroo’s crossed arms, the way he was blinking rapidly, not quite meeting his gaze. The splotchy flush to his cheeks. The sweat beading in Daichi’s neck even as the glaring summer sun had slowly started losing its intensity. Confusion and the prickling in his fingers, the taste of a promise on his tongue. For something new. Something exciting and incredible._

_He knew already that he'd always remember that day, wouldn't forget a second of that moment._

_Daichi took a step forward, his voice raspy and low and barely there. “Me, too. You, I - me too.”_

" _You don’t understand!”, Kuroo snapped back. “The way I like you - it’s different.”_

“ _No,” Daichi breathed, reaching for his hand and gently holding on when Kuroo tried to shy away from that, too. “It’s the same.”_

“ _You don’t know what I’m talking about!” Kuroo yelled, his eyes shimmering with unshed tears, and then Daichi had taken that last step forward and pressed an awkward, slightly misplaced kiss to the corner of Kuroo’s lips. Pulling back, Kuroo gasped “What -”, cut off as Daichi kissed him properly, his hands coming up to brush a wet streak off Kuroo’s cheek, who made a tiny, almost broken noise before he kissed him back. It was soft and chaste, did not last long. But it was perfect this way all the same._

_Daichi pulled away with a smile on his lips, pressing their cheeks together. He felt Kuroo's shaky exhale against his neck._

“ _But ...you’re straight,” he mumbled, confused and amazed and absolutely breathless._

“ _Bisexual,” Daichi chuckled, pressing a soft kiss to his cheek, then his temple, and then his forehead. The afternoon sun was burning down on his back, and Kuroo looked at him with wide eyes and the beginning of a smile on his face, disbelief keeping the corners of his mouth twitching in uncertainty._

_Then, with his eyes still impossibly wide, Kuroo had squeaked (honest to god squeaked): “I didn’t_ know. _”_

_Daichi burst into laughter. “Idiot.”_

“ _So …” Kuroo gestured between them, wildly. “You and me …” He dropped his hands, and Daichi reached out to hold them so Kuroo’s fingers wouldn’t tremble. It made Kuroo stumble over his words. “We … are we … ?”_

_Daichi softly brushed his thumb over Kuroo’s skin in soothing little gestures. He didn’t know why he was so calm, but his heart beat a comfortable motion in his chest, steady and strong and unwavering. A part of him had always known everything would fall into place between Kuroo and him. So he looked up, grinning at the flustered boy before him, feeling a fondness running so deep it felt like it might be eternal._

_He hoped it would be._

“ _Dating? Boyfriends? Yeah, if you want us to be.”_

“ _Idiot,” Kuroo breathed, almost toppling forwards in his rush to hug Daichi, falling into his arms so that Daichi had to shift his foot back to steady them both. He wrapped his arms around Kuroo tightly and squeezed, burying his nose at Kuroo’s neck._

_And then he started laughing into Daichi’s shoulder, and Daichi could feel the vibration of it hum beneath his hands on Kuroo’s back. “Of course,” Kuroo laughed, and then: “I’m glad”, and Daichi didn’t answer, but_ me, too _was written across every prickling inch of skin on his body, and his smile felt like it would never leave his face._

 

_\---_

  


“Okay. I got the ice cream, caramel popcorn, some blankets and a horror movie all lined up for you, Sawamura. It’s particularly trashy this time around, Bo lent it to me - I got it here somewhere -”

“We’re not doing this,” Daichi mumbled.

“What?”

Kuroo hesitated where he was rifling through DVDs, pulling their joint collection out of the shelf and stacking them up next to him, staring at him as if Daichi had just slapped him across the cheek.

“What do you mean, we’re not doing it?”

“I’m saying we’re not _doing_ this. The breakup routine.”

“But ... “ Kuroo bit his lip. “It’s what we always do.”

Yeah, and that was the problem. Daichi rubbed his temple, a headache already starting up. This entire day had been an endless string of disappointments and second-guessing and it wasn’t getting any better. To be honest, there was nothing he wanted more than to cuddle up with Kuroo under blankets and drown all this in ice cream and popcorn until he felt sick and fell asleep on his Best Friend™.

But he couldn’t.

“Y’know why she broke up with me?”

“Cause she realised she could never be good enough for you?”

Daichi blew air through his nose. “Because I’m still living with my ex.”

“I’m not your ex, I’m your _best friend_.”

“You’re both.”

“That was ten years ago. What’s so bad about living with me?! You don’t complain about it when I take care of you when you’re sick or cook for you after a long day of work or prepare blankets and ice cream after someone dumped you!”

The look of hurt in Kuroo’s eyes and voice and posture didn’t help at all with going through with this. But honestly, was that what he wanted his life to look like? He was 27, he hadn’t managed to keep a relationship longer than three months, and spent his evenings watching trashy movies and drowning his sorrow in ice cream with his best friend who really also happened to be one of his failed relationships.

“It’s just …”, he started, running a hand through his hair, not quite able to meet Kuroo’s shocked eyes. “I’ve been thinking. Maybe it’s … I mean, how the fuck am I supposed to _ever_ keep a real relationship if you scare everyone off?!”

Kuroo huffed. “You should be grateful. None of them deserve you in the first place. What the fuck even was that guy who couldn’t stop talking about Illuminati?! I mean, _c’mon_.”

“We’re not talking about the Illuminati guy,” Daichi groaned. Those were memories better forgotten. “And anyway, what’s all this non-sense about - ‘deserving me’. It’s not about that, it’s how you sabotage any chance I _could_ get at a real, honest relationship.”

“You don’t need people in your life who can’t see how amazing you are and treat you the way you deserve,” Kuroo muttered, defensively.

“Then what do I deserve?!”, Daichi shot back. “Being a bitter worker forever who lives with his ex and misses his chance to ever have a family?!”

With a sharp thump, Kuroo slammed a DVD down on the wood. “So that’s all I am now?! Some ex?! You’re a _real_ sweet talker, Sawamura.”

“Look, I didn’t mean it like tha -”

“Oh, you meant it like that alright! Sorry that I’m so disappointing to you! Sorry that I want nothing but the _best_ for you! Sorry that you’re stuck with someone like _me_ at the end of the day! It must be so hard on you!”

“You’re completely missing the point!”, Daichi shouted back, his voice rising in volume as did Kuroo’s.

“What’s the point then! _Enlighten me_ , Sawamura!”

“Well, I’m just saying, maybe it’s better for the both of us if I move out!”

Kuroo jerked back, knocking over the pile of stacked DVDs. The clattering noises were even louder in the deafening silence his statement had left.

Kuroo looked as if someone had dumped a bucket of ice cold water over his head, then yelled at him that it had been his fault in the first place. “You’re joking, right? That’s not funny, Daichi.” His voice was trembling and stretching so thin, seconds away from hysterics. He started picking up DVDs from the floor haphazardly, and Daichi could see the tremble to his hands.

Fuck. This was.

Fuck.

He’d planned to be gentle and careful about breaking it to him instead of shouting it into his face. But the damage was done now. “I’m not joking.”

A burst of hysterical laughter made Kuroo put a hand over his mouth. After a second of silence, he kept laughing. “Fuck. You’re for real, huh? Oh, man.” Kuroo shook his head, a hollow smile stretching his lips unhealthily. “I’ve heard you say many dumb things those past years, but this takes the cake. Fuckin’ amazing, Sawamura. You think you can get Suga’s picture-perfect dream family as soon as you cut me out of your life?! That’s _pathetic_.”

Daichi grit his teeth. This hit right where it hurt, of fucking course it did. “I don’t wanna cut you from my - I don’t wanna get rid of you. You’re my _best friend_ , for fuck’s sake!”

“Suddenly I’m your best friend again?! Thought I was some _bloody ex_ who kept you from your fucking _happiness_!” Kuroo’s voice broke at the last word, and he hastily turned away from Daichi.

“Look, I’m sorry, this is - I didn’t think when I -” Daichi fumbled for words, but it felt like trying to avoid damage right after he had flung all his plates against a wall and left a mess of shards and shatters. “Can we please talk about this?”

“Oh, just keep talking!” Kuroo waved his hand. “You can talk this out to your heart’s content!” He picked up the ice cream container he’d carried over to the table earlier, all cheery attitude to lift Daichi’s mood, and snatched up one of the spoons. “But I’ll be leaving and I’m taking the ice cream with me. I’m _sure_ you can easily get over this breakup _without_ me. You can go about your whole _life_ without me. Hope you find your happiness without this _baggage_ dragging you down!”

“It’s not like this changes anything!”, Daichi called after Kuroo’s retreating back. “We’d still see each other at training and do movie nights and - ! I _don’t want to get rid of you, for fuck’s SAKE!_ ”

The door slammed shut with a sense of finality that made Daichi’s skin tingle with anxiety as he was left in a living room with a messed up stack of DVDs and a lonely spoon on the table.

“Fuck,” he cursed, burying his face in his hands. “ _Fuck_.”

 

\---

 

When Suga opened the door his hair stuck up weirdly in all directions, there was a smudge of something Daichi wasn't quite sure he wanted to know the origin of on his cheek, and he balanced Tobio on his hip, who immediately beamed when he saw Daichi. Suga’s smile seemed tired, but real.

It was always like that.

“You’re a blessing, Daichi. A _blessing_.”

“Wouldn’t want date night to die ‘cause your babysitter fell sick,” Daichi mumbled.

_It also means an evening less of awkward silence and being ignored, but hey._

“Tobio, you wanna watch volleyball with Uncle Daichi now?”

“Yeees!”, Tobio cheered, his tiny hands reaching out to grab for ‘Uncle Daichi’. The nickname still warmed his heart, but made a tiny part of him ache all the same. With a smile, he lifted the boy into his arms and followed Suga into the cluttered flat, grunting a little.

“He’s getting heavy. You’re getting so heavy, young man!”

Tobio just giggled and pulled on Daichi’s ear.

“You tell me!”, Suga laughed, rolling his shoulders.

“You’re gonna watch volleyball with me?”, Daichi asked, and Tobio giggled in sheer delight when Daichi started bouncing him up and down a little in his arms. “You’re barely two and already so much into it! What a weird boy you are! So strange!”

Tobio broke into hysterical laughter and started squirming when Daichi blew a raspberry on his tummy, laughing along with that weird little kid.

“You’re gonna be a fearsome setter one day! More fearsome than Papa!”

“Hey!”, he could hear Oikawa from the bedroom. “Don’t give him such ideas! He’s not gonna overtake me!”

“Shut up and get dressed, you drama queen!”, Suga called back.

“I am _wounded_ ! Betrayed by my own _husband_!” Oikawa's voice came from the bedroom. “Is Tobio the only one I can still count on in this family?!”

“Not when he’s growing up to be a better setter than you!”, Daichi called back and Suga grinned at him and showed him a thumbs-up. At Oikawa's answering rant, he rolled his eyes and ignored it like background noise. “I’m gonna go clean myself up a little. Remote’s on the coffee table, I recorded a game for tonight. If he wants a milk box, they’re -”

“Suga. Hey. This isn’t the first time we’re alone together. Right, Tobio? We’re gonna have a fantastic time watching volleyball!”

“Volley!”, Tobio cheered, raising his arms and almost smacking Daichi’s eye with his tiny fist. Suga laughed and ruffled Tobio’s hair.

“Fine, fine. You be good, alright?”

“Tobio be good!”, the boy answered, so earnestly Daichi just wanted to cuddle him.

Suga dropped a kiss on the crown of his head, thanked Daichi again, and then hurried into the bedroom, too. Daichi could hear the muffled voices of Oikawa and Suga bicker as he made his way into the living room, maneuvered around some scattered toys, clothes and books, and plopped down on the sofa with Tobio.

Daichi was helping Tobio stacking up a tower of toy bricks when his dads came back to say goodbye, both dressed up for their weekly night out. Tobio smiled up at them when they kissed the top of his head and waved excitedly, accidentally knocking over his tower.

In an utterly confused second of disbelief and slow realisation, not yet sure whether he should cry or not, Daichi took desperate measures and bribed him with food, milk and volleyball to prevent their evening from starting with the great flood.

The little boy had the time of his life this evening, as Daichi made sure to spoil him rotten. And at first, it was easy. But when Tobio fell asleep on his chest, snoring gently and drooling all over him, Daichi wrapped an arm around him and felt that same longing which had become kind of a companion to him, growing so much stronger lately.

He couldn’t stop thinking about how lonely the flat felt in the hurt silence which had settled over Kuroo and him, how he’d fucked up his longest friendship, too, now, and how maybe it would be like that forever. Lonely silence and an empty flat to return to. No children’s laughter and nobody to greet him home and wake up next to. Yeah, he did have a lot of time ahead. But he was sick of waiting, and frankly, terrified that maybe, having a family wasn't meant for him in the first place.

“Never become like me, Tobio,” he whispered to the sleeping kid on his chest. And it made him sad how much he wished for the little boy to honestly never, ever end up like him.

  


\---

 

“So are you talking to me again, or - ?”

Instead of answering, Kuroo slammed the cupboard shut, grabbed his breakfast, and turned to leave. He was almost out of the door when he hesitated, squared his shoulders, and turned back around.

“Y’know what. Fuck this.” The glare he levelled at Daichi didn’t feel like things would get better for them anytime soon. “Why the fuck do I have to scoop myself up in my room just ‘cause I don’t wanna see you? _You’re_ the asshole who can’t stand me anymore. Leave the kitchen to me. Go eat somewhere else.”

Daichi stopped chewing. “You’re kidding.”

“Not in the _slightest_. Just as you weren’t.”

“I’m not leaving the kitchen.”

“Well, neither am I!”

“Fine!”

“Fine!”, Kuroo snapped, and sat down with too much force, tearing into his food with some next level murderous intent.

The silence between them was so horribly loaded, Daichi honestly considered leaving. The awkwardness in the room was so intense, he expected it to morph into an actual physical form any second and fill the silence with badly recited poems and a tiny ukulele.

With a barely concealed sigh, Daichi grabbed for the newspaper, furrowing his brows all too soon. He lowered it to look at Kuroo over the rim.

“Where’s the page with the apartment listings.”

Kuroo glared up at him from under his bangs. “I’m not talking to you.”

“You just talked to me when you told me you wouldn’t talk to me anymore. And what are you, five?”

“Oh, I’m a kid now, too?”

“I’ve always called you a five year old when you got like this,” Daichi growled, honestly tired of having every word twisted and turned back against him. “You just never were this sensitive before.”

“Maybe ‘cause I still thought you wanted me in your life,” Kuroo mumbled into his food.

“And I’m telling you, I do. My life sucks without you.”

“Then why do you wanna move out?” Kuroo looked up at him, without anger, without bravado. Just his tired roommate of several years, with his horrible perpetual bedhead, his gaze open and hurt and confused all the same. Daichi bit his lip and lowered his gaze, couldn’t meet Kuroo's eyes like this.

Why?

He thought back at the melancholy he’d felt with Tobio asleep on his chest, a bitter taste of longing and helpless frustration.

“Something’s gotta change.” He shrugged, helplessly. “And I don’t know what. But it seems like a good place to start as any.”

Kuroo squinted at him, back to anger.

“Then fucking learn German or ballet or do whatever - ! What do you think I’m gonna do when you leave? I’ll have to move, too. I don’t fucking want to. This flat’s amazing. We’ve been here for _years_. Why do you wanna go and throw everything we have away?!”

Daichi had stopped eating by now. He didn’t think he could shove down another bite, felt sick to his stomach already. “We’re stuck, Kuroo. Don’t you see? You and me, we haven’t changed in ages. Do you really wanna grow old like this? Two bachelors watching movies together after another relationship went to hell?”

“You sound like an old guy. As if there’s not tons of time to meet someone and get your damn children and whatever.” Kuroo shrugged, his voice getting a little softer all the same. “It’s too early for a mid-life crisis, love.”

Daichi groaned and put his face in his hands. “Don’t call me that, Kuroo. I’m not your whatever anymore. Just your fucked up, impatient best friend. And maybe I’m having a midlife crisis. Maybe I want change. I don’t wanna get rid of you. I just … want something different.”

“I hate this.”

“As long as you don’t hate me.”

“Who says I don’t? I _do_ hate you. You’re an insensitive asshole and you wanna leave me behind in your dumb strive for - for someone else to go dump you just the same!”

“Thanks for your trust in me,” Daichi mumbled, feeling something twist and turn in his gut which made him feel even more hopeless.

“It’s not that I don’t trust in _you_ , Daichi. I just don’t trust in anyone to be good enough and -”

“You’ve said this a _million times,_ Kuroo. If you’re so sure you can judge, then _who_ the hell would be good enough for me, huh?!”

They stared at each other across the table, and Kuroo bit his lip and stayed quiet.

Daichi got up, and dumped his plates into the sink.

“I tore the page up,” Kuroo said really, really quietly.

“I’m gonna look online,” was Daichi’s answer before he left the kitchen.

 

\---

 

“I’m adopting a cat. Maybe two. I don’t want it to be lonely.”

Kenma and Yaku shared the kind of glance they had perfected, the ‘he’s losing it now, where did we go wrong in our parenting, and how do we stop him’ kind of glance that Kuroo so far had only seen in actual parents. His friends sure were something.

“Kuroo -”, Yaku began, trying really hard to keep his tone patient as if dealing with a child, while Kenma just flat-out said “No.”

Kuroo whined. “Why not? I’m gonna have so much space soon anyway. They can have Daichi’s room.”

“He’s losing it,” Kenma observed, looking at Yaku as if saying ‘he’s your problem now’.

“Kuroo, please -”, Yaku started, wringing his hand as if not knowing where he should even start about this.

Kuroo didn’t understand the big deal. Cats were nice. Everybody liked cats.

“Okay, I can’t be nice about this. Kuroo, what you need aren’t cats, not even a new roommate. No, honestly. Don’t you _realise_ what’s going on?”

Yaku’s inner kindergarten teacher seemed to shine through again, he looked at him with that perfect balance of expectancy and slight exasperation concealed under a calm mask. Kuroo leaned back into the couch cushions, grabbing a pillow and hugging it to his chest.

“What’re you talking about?”

Yaku groaned. Kenma very slowly tried to smuggle his phone from his pockets to his hands to start up a game, but Yaku cut him off. “Don’t even think about it! You’re his childhood best friend, he’s your problem just as much as mine!”

Kenma put his phone away, instead fidgeting, clearly still hoping that Yaku would at least take over the talking part.

“You guys know I’m still in the room, right,” Kuroo muttered from his spot. “I can hear everything you're saying.”

“Well, then listen to this: I won’t let you wander off to adopt cats!”, Yaku hissed. “This is my responsibility. I can’t believe I ended up with _two adult kids_.” He shot first Kenma, then Kuroo a much longer glance.

“We’re not kids,” Kenma and Kuroo replied at once, Kenma snorting in amusement while Kuroo buried his nose in his pillow. The overall question of what exactly Yaku was about to spring on him still hung over his head like the sword of Damocles and he wasn’t sure he wanted to know what it was going to be. Or maybe a small part of him knew and didn’t want it all the more because of it.

“Without me, you’d just live off take-out food. You and Lev are _both_ hopeless. Same goes for you if you let Daichi move out,” Yaku pointed an accusing finger at Kuroo, who felt as if he’d messed up even if it hadn’t been him in the first place. Being at the receiving end of Yaku’s pointing finger was never fun.

“Hey, I can cook.”

“We’re getting off track. Kuroo, you don’t need cats, you have to get your shit together and tell Daichi that it’s _you_ who wants to make him happy and do all the family-funding and life-sharing stu-”

Kuroo’s pillow, flung in an act of panic, hit Yaku in the face and cut him off. With a strangled sound, Kuroo grabbed for another pillow, burying his face in it to keep some dignity by hiding how red he actually was.

“Bullshit,” he whined into the pillow. “What the _fuck_.”

The pillow from before got thrown back and hit him in the head with a little unnecessary force.

“Keep it together, you huge manchild. How can you be so fucking capable most of the time but completely _self destruct_ as soon as love comes into the question.”

“Isn’t it only Daichi who makes him turn into this?”, Kenma dead-panned.

“Eh, same thing,” Yaku answered. Kuroo muffled a scream in his pillow.

“You done with that? Kenma, tickle his feet. I want his attention.”

“He’ll kick me.”

“Sacrifices must be made.”

Kuroo pulled his feet up to sit down on them and glared at Yaku over his pillow. “And _you_ call _me_ a child.”

“You look like a tomato with a horrible haircut just because I tried to tell you that you’re still into Daichi,” Yaku informed him nonchalantly.

“Now you’re just being mean! Kenma, help me!”

Kenma shrugged. “He’s right, though. About the tomato and the Daichi thing.”

“I hate you both, you traitors.”

“That’s it.” Yaku stood up, walking around the table to stand in front of Kuroo. “Look at me,” he demanded with the authority of a weathered, I-will-take-no-shit-from-anyone steel-nerved kindergarten teacher. Kuroo looked up at him and found an angry expression, but soft eyes. “You know we love you and want what’s best for you. So I’m telling you to confront your feelings, level up, and tell Daichi to stay with you and take another chance on you.”

Kuroo buried his face back into the pillow, struggling to breathe evenly, struggling against the headache pressing down on his eyeballs and temples and the waves and waves of old and new hurt roaring up. He stayed quiet for so long, he could almost feel his friends trade a concerned look before Kenma climbed next to him, leaning against his shoulder, and Yaku put a comforting hand on his other shoulder.

“Kuroo?” he asked, softly.

“It’s bullshit,” Kuroo snapped, finding himself unable to keep his voice from sounding completely choked up. A dead giveaway of what he was hiding under that damn pillow. But now that he’d started, he couldn’t bear to keep it in any longer. A truth which had been festering for so long, Kuroo had almost been able to forget about it. “He didn’t want me the first time around. Why the fuck would he want me now?!”

The words, out loud, broke his resolve. A second later he was sobbing into his damn pillow like Tobio if you took his milk away. And he hated himself for that, ‘cause seriously? It had been ten years and here he was, still not over his goddamn High School boyfriend. Ex boyfriend.

“Fuck,” he cursed, not struggling against it when Yaku dragged his pillow away and replaced it with a tight hug. Kuroo’s arms came up weakly, clinging to Yaku with one hand, letting Kenma lace his hand with Kuroo’s other. His friends rubbed soothing little circles into his skin until he calmed down enough to stop the horrible water leakage from his eyes.

In the end, Yaku went to grab chocolate and Kenma simply stayed leaned into him, his side-ways glance intent and full of worry.

“I didn’t know it was still so bad,” he mumbled, and Kuroo hoped that the traces of guilt he seemed to pick up on in his friend’s voice were just his imagination.

“Me neither,” he laughed, a little bitter and his voice still slightly warbled. He felt tired and vulnerable down to his very core, but in a way … he felt at peace. Kuroo had honestly not realised this gigantic clusterfuck of unforgotten and newly-awoken feelings had been growing and choking him up this whole time. It felt like a wound had finally gotten to bleed out.

Maybe, maybe, if he was lucky, it would be able to heal now.

“But, are you sure?” Kenma asked him. “What do you have to lose if you tell him?”

“Are you kidding me?!” Kuroo huffed a laugh for the sheer ridiculousness of this question. “Everything! I could lose him! I don’t want things to change, okay? I just … want us to stay like we are.”

Kenma stayed quiet for a bit, his toes wriggling. When he spoke again, it was very slow and very careful. “But isn’t it already too late for that? You’re both already changing. He _wants_ change more than anything …”

Kuroo bit down on his lip, trying to ignore the truth at the bottom of everything Kenma was saying. He _wanted_ to ignore it. Why did anything about Daichi and him have to change? Weren’t they good the way they were?

“Since everything is already changing,” Kenma concluded, “Then there’s more to gain than to lose if you tell him.”

Yaku’s triumphant return with comfort food spared Kuroo the need to answer, and he tried his hardest to forget about what Kenma had told him, but his thoughts kept circling around that one sentence like a carousel around its own center.

He didn’t find much sleep that night.


	2. Good To You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Like a moth I'm drawn in to your flame,_   
>  _Say my name, but it's not the same._   
>  _You look in my eyes, I'm stripped of my pride._   
>  _And my soul surrenders, and you bring my heart to it's knees._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I sWEAR TO GOD I DID NOT MEAN FOR THIS TO HAPPEN. ANYONE REMEMBER WHAT I SAID ABOUT WRITING OUT OF MY COMFORT ZONE. AND THEN EVERYTHING SPIRALLED OUT OF CONTROL. AND NOW ITS LIGHTYEARS OUT OF MY COMFORT ZONE. The E-rating is there for a reason, kids. I guess it's fairly tame for AO3's standards bUT STILL. Pls be safe. 
> 
> I'll go change my name and live under a rock now.

“What the fuck.”

Daichi could only stare as there were currently a total number of three kittens sprawled across Kuroo’s lap and the sofa, dozing peacefully. Only one raised its head, blinking at him owlishly and like he was interrupting something. There was a trashy horror movie on the screen, Daichi noticed with a pang of jealousy, and then he realised that there was no need in the world for him to get jealous that kittens would get to cuddle and watch bad horror movies with Kuroo.

In fact, the only thing he had to do was chew Kuroo out for going ahead and adopting three cats. The culprit in question turned his head, a smirk on his face that feigned faux innocence, rising his eyebrows under his ridiculous fringe as if saying 'Anything wrong?'

It had Daichi's blood boiling in an instant.

“Why are there cats in our living room.”

“Not so loud, Daichi,” Kuroo hushed him. “They’re tiny, peaceful creatures and need their sleep.”

“Yeah, and I need my couch.” What the hell. What the _hell_.

“Take the armchair,” Kuroo replied without batting an eyelash, calmly reaching for snacks with one hand, using the other to scratch a cat behind its ear until it closed its eyes again and relaxed on his lap.

Daichi would not take the fucking armchair here. In five years he hadn't as much as looked at that thing twice. It was for guest or to rest feet on it or throw clothes over it until they rock-paper-scissored it out for laundry. Daichi belonged on the sofa with Kuroo's feet on his lap pretending he hated that Kuroo used him as a footrest.

Pretending he hated the comfortable bickering.

“You can’t just go ahead and decide something like this,” Daichi growled. “I still live here, too.”

“Check the voicemail,” Kuroo replied without missing a beat. His voice didn’t betray anything. He just seemed … cold. Cold and distant. The feeling that one of his most important friendships was slipping through his grasp like water grew intense enough to choke Daichi up. But he moved anyway, pressing the button. With the horror movie still going and Kuroo’s silence pressing down on him in the background, Daichi listened to the first confirmation of a possible new flat. _“We'd be happy to have you as soon as possible, please call us back so we can schedule for you to look at the flat.”_

It sounded a little fishy, but still, it was progress. Things were moving. Change was a few more phone calls and some appointments to view the flats away.

This was what he had wanted all along.

And yet, it left him feeling hollow. Clenching his fists, he waited when there was nothing but silence left, hoping for Kuroo to say something. Anything. And if he'd just ask him to share the couch and a movie. But the silence stretched on and on until Daichi was just left standing in front of their home phone looking like an idiot.

“If that flat is actually good, you might be out of here within two weeks, huh,” Kuroo said, his voice still sounding so detached.

“That’s all you have to say?” Daichi did not turn around. He could not stomach facing Kuroo right now. What he felt was not quite anger, not quite disappointment. Much more complicated than that.

“Does it really matter?”

“Nothing really matters with you, does it?” Daichi hissed, grabbing for the phone before rushing into his room, slamming the door behind him.

 

\---

 

_The rational part of his mind had long ceased to be, no words, no protest left beneath Kuroo’s hands on his skin, his taste, his smell, his proximity. Their kiss started slow and soft, searching and questioning, trying to get reacquainted, waiting for the other to pull back._

_But Kuroo did not hesitate, so neither did Daichi, not beyond the questions in their touches – do you want this, is this okay? Am I going too far?_

_One idiotic house party and a tipsy kiss had been enough of a spark to ignite what had stopped between them before college. A bright wildfire taking over Daichi's mind, his body. Desire and longing mingling into a combination almost toxic, and Daichi kissed Kuroo as if he was the only antidote that could save him._

_Maybe they'd existed like this for the past two years without realising, even after breaking up – breathless anticipation and glowing ember waiting to roar back up into flames._

_The slightest crossing of that invisible line between them had blown away all of Daichi's carefully balanced self control. Kuroo’s lips still felt the same. Tasted the same. The heat, Kuroo's soft gasps, none of it had changed._

_Daichi unbuttoned Kuroo’s shirt, gently pushing him backwards, guiding him until his knees touched the edge of the bed and he sat down with a shaky sigh, looking up at Daichi. Vulnerable. Almost scared. Daichi hesitated in brushing the shirt off his shoulders, Kuroo’s naked chest heaving._

“ _Daichi,” he whispered. “Are you – … sure … ?” His voice was shaking. Daichi did not have the words to soothe his fears, so he leaned in slowly, giving Kuroo the time to pull away. But his eyes fluttered shut in anticipation, so Daichi kissed him gently, their lips barely brushing._

_It ripped all the old wounds right open, made his heart hurt in places he’d forgotten used to ache._

_Maybe Kuroo felt the same. He had to. The noise he made against Daichi’s lip sounded like a broken little prayer._

“ _Do you want me to stop?”, Daichi breathed, and Kuroo shivered._

“ _No,” he whispered back, his breath hot on Daichi’s lips. He reached up, burying his hands in Daichi’s hair, dragging his nails across his scalp. “No,” he breathed again before he strained upwards to kiss him again, and this time, there was nothing hesitant about it. Daichi met him, finally brushing the shirt off his shoulders, leaning forwards, bracing himself on one knee between Kuroo’s legs on the edge of the mattress._

_Kuroo kissed a wet trail along his jaw, then down his throat, and Daichi ran his hands through his ridiculous hair, down his neck, across his shoulders and over his back, Kuroo's skin smooth and hot beneath his fingers. He had changed, grown, was a little more built now. Daichi wanted to kiss every inch of him. Wanted to feel him. This wasn’t close enough. He needed Kuroo like he needed air, had needed him for so long._

_Why hadn't they done this earlier?_

_Why had Kuroo gotten rid of him in the first place?_

_Daichi’s question died in his throat when Kuroo began sucking on his neck, by all means meant to mark him. His thoughts stopped from there. No questions. No answers. Simple desire, skin on skin, each slight friction kindling his need._

_They stripped each other with shaking hands, a little desperate, a bit too eager for the caution of their every touch and movement. Daichi did not want Kuroo to regret any of this, was scared to force himself on him. So he asked him over and over for his consent, whether he was okay with it. And without fail, Kuroo breathed back 'Yes,_ God _, please -', desperation clearer in his voice each time until he was almost begging._

“ _Patience, love,” Daichi breathed into his ear, satisfied with Kuroo's desperate moan, his hands flaring up to cling to Daichi, to pull him in for another kiss. All he got was a kiss which allowed him to_ feel _Daichi's grin for a heartbeat before Daichi started kissing his way down his throat instead, across his chest. He still knew how to drive Kuroo insane, how to draw the most exquisite sounds from him._

_Since he lacked the words to tell the other man how beautiful he was to him, Daichi tried to show him like this, worshipping his body. Ignoring where Kuroo wanted his mouth the most right now, leaving a trail of kisses over his hips and down his legs, until his lips caressed the scar on Kuroo's shin, drawing a broken gasp from him._

“ _Daichi –_ Daichi _, please, please, I_ need you _–“_

 _And Daichi's heart squeezed together. Kuroo_ needed _him. He wanted Kuroo to need him. Wanted to hear him say it over again, wanted to make him beg and prove that they were not done yet, that there was still something between them. So he gently let Kuroo lift his legs, trailing his fingers over his thighs in the hint of a touch which left Kuroo shivering beneath it. The noises he was making drove Daichi insane, but he held back, trying to savour the moment. Slowly, he leaned down, peppering kisses across Kuroo's thighs now, determined to leave marks himself, to not let Kuroo forget about any of this. He kissed and sucked and scraped his teeth over Kuroo's sensitive skin until he was crying out and arching off the mattress, gasping a jumbled mess of Daichi's name and pleas for more. Daichi meant to drive Kuroo insane until begging was all he still_ could _do. But even his own control eventually wavered._

_Drawing back, he already felt quite satisfied with all the marks he had left on Kuroo's skin, the flush he'd put on his cheeks, spreading down to his heaving chest. The glazed look Kuroo gave him from underneath his lashes, hungry but somewhat soft with affection. Daichi's heart ached again and he crawled closer so he could kiss Kuroo, moaning against his lips at the friction his movement caused between them. There was not an ounce of self control left in him, he couldn't wait any longer._

“ _Kuroo,” he forced out, trying to keep his voice even and Kuroo from capturing his lips in a kiss again. “Do you have lube and condoms.”_

“ _Fuck,” Kuroo cursed, throwing his arm over his eyes. “You've gotta be fucking kidding me.” He shook his head, and Daichi could see his lips quirk into a smile before he burst into laughter. “I don't_ believe _this.” Daichi put his head on Kuroo's chest and laughed into his skin, before his body reminded him that he was very much not ready to give up yet. “C'mon, you've gotta have something around here. I think I got a condom, don't tell me you don't have lube?!”_

_Kuroo sat up, playfully shoving Daichi off him. “Then go get it! Don't you think you tortured me enough already?! Jeez, Daichi. You're impossible.”_

“ _I try to be.” Daichi pressed a quick kiss to Kuroo's temple before he stumbled to his feet, trying to find his jeans and the wallet in its pocket. When he glanced up, Kuroo had only reached into his drawer and was still comfortably lying on the bed, facing him, waiting for him. Breathtakingly beautiful. Daichi licked his lips, unable to take his eyes off the man before him._

_Kuroo waiting, only for him. A bed to share. Intimacy which wasn't granted to anyone else but him._

_Daichi wanted this, not for tonight. Always._

“ _Do you want to take a picture?” Kuroo asked him, smirking, putting his hand on his hip to strike a pose. “It'll last longer.”_

_Grumbling, Daichi grabbed for a sock and threw it at Kuroo's face, almost grateful Kuroo had eased the tight feeling in his chest. “Shut up, you idiot.”_

_Kuroo's laughter rang in his ears, and Daichi never wanted to miss it again. Never wanted to see him lose this relaxed expression of joy on his face. He got back up to his feet to stand in front of Kuroo, and when he caught his gaze, his laughter died down breathlessly at whatever he could read in Daichi's eyes. He sat up to meet him halfway, their kiss immediately rough and demanding._

_Daichi wanted Kuroo like he had never wanted anyone before. Would perhaps never want anyone again._

“ _Please – Daichi – please --” Kuroo gasped between the kisses, and Daichi gave in to his pleas at last, pushing him back down on the mattress._

“ _You sure you want this?”_

 _Kuroo reached up to take his face between his hands, forcing him to look into his eyes. His pupils were blown impossibly wide, and his lips red and swollen from their kisses. “_ Daichi _. You've almost driven me to insanity. I've literally been begging already. Do I really have to spell this out for you?! Please,_ please _, fuck me.”_

 _A broken sound tumbled from Daichi's lips, and he cursed under his breath,unravelling at the seams. Kuroo took him apart piece by piece, the only person Daichi would allow to see him this vulnerable, completely_ gone for _. Kuroo's lips quirked up into something like a smirk, but much, much softer. He reached up to brush the sweaty bangs from Daichi's forehead._

“ _C'mon, love. Don't make me beg any longer.”_

_And just like that, Daichi crumbled. He lost himself to nothing but feeling. To skin on skin and the beautiful symphony of pants and moans from Kuroo’s lips, and in between, gasped words. His name, over and over. Kuroo’s nails dragged across his back, he clung to him like he would never let go again, trying to pepper messy kisses along any patch of skin he could reach._

_Daichi lost himself, Kuroo all he could think of, all he could taste and feel._

“ _You're beautiful,” he gasped, barely able to gather enough breath and thought to string words together._

“ _I love you,” Kuroo almost sobbed into his shoulder. “I love you, I love you, I love you -”_

_And Daichi stopped, looking down at him. His hair dishevelled. His eyes glazed over, his cheeks flushed, his lips slightly parted. Kuroo was a mess, beautiful in a way that made Daichi’s toes curl. Made him want to kiss every inch of his body, fall asleep and wake up next to this face. To see him bleary-eyed and with morning breath and grumpy without coffee._

_And like this. Hot and sweaty and writhing beneath him._

_All Daichi wanted was Kuroo. Kuroo in any and all ways. He loved him, more than he had ever loved anyone. The feeling hit him with such impact, it took away his breath and any words he could have said. So Daichi leaned down and peppered kisses along Kuroo’s face, until Kuroo whined “Daichi,_ please - _don’t_ stop _now_ _-”_

_And Daichi gave him what he wanted. If Kuroo had asked, Daichi would have given him anything. His heart, his future._

_Anything._

\---

 

_Still caught up in the memories from last night, images flashing in his mind involuntarily, Daichi startled at the touch on his elbow, reflexively almost punching Asahi. It was just the groceries cradled in his arms which saved his friend from his fate. According to his terrified expression, Asahi was well aware._

“ _Don’t … kill me,” he begged, weakly._

_Daichi waved him off with one hand, still supporting the groceries with his wrist. “Don’t worry, if I'd planned to I would’ve done that long ago. Just don’t sneak up on me like that!”_

“ _That's not very reassuring. Besides,_ _I wasn’t,”_ _Asahi mumbled, something flashing in his eyes that made heat creep up Daichi's face. “I called your name two times. You look … different.” Noticing something, Asahi stared at a spot on Daichi’s neck, his eyes widening. The ensuing blush drew an undignified noise from Daichi, who almost dropped everything he was holding trying to cover it up. Shit, he very clearly remembered Kuroo sucking on his neck there, the hickey must've been horribly obvious. That explained some of the looks he’d gotten this morning._

_Daichi wanted to melt into the ground._

_Asahi cleared his throat, squaring his shoulders to brave on through this talk nevertheless. “So … going by your wide grin and dreamy gaze … I take it you and Kuroo … ?”_

_Daichi groaned and considered dropping everything and getting the fuck out of this situation. Then he remembered that he wasn’t a goofball like Asahi, so he just snapped: “I’m not gazing dreamily or anything here!”_

_Asahi opened his mouth, clearly about to object but too terrified to go through with it, so he awkwardly scratched his neck. “If you say so … anyways, I’m really happy for you.”_

“ _Can we, like. Move this awkward talk I totally don’t want to have towards the cash registers. He’s still asleep and I want to wake him with breakfast.”_

_Asahi only smiled wider. Seeing how happy his friend was for Daichi made him swallow and rethink the past two years since Kuroo had broken up with him. Maybe that time had been a little harsher on him than he’d like to admit. Maybe he’d never gotten over Kuroo in the slightest. And Asahi had been there to witness it all._

“ _Thanks, though,” he added, for good measure as Asahi fell into step next to him._

“ _Don’t mention it. I just want you to be happy. Yui and I always had a feeling you two belonged together.”_

_Daichi dumped the groceries on the conveyor belt, using the opportunity of his now free hands to punch Asahi’s shoulder, but a little softer than usual._

 

_\---_

 

 _He hummed the entire way back to the dorm. A mindless little melody with a skip in his steps. Daichi hadn’t felt this_ light _in so long. And he couldn’t wait to kiss a sleepy Kuroo good morning and jump right back into Boyfriend Duties™, the kind he’d never quite gotten to enjoy._

_They had never gotten past the long distance part of their relationship, so breakfast in bed and regular date nights had only been a future dream of theirs. Not it could be a reality, and Daichi already loved every second of it._

_At his worst nights, he had cursed himself for attending the same university as Kuroo ten times over, but now he was grateful for it. This was exactly the fresh start he had never dared to hope for._

_And he’d start by surprising Kuroo with breakfast._

_Only when he opened the door, Kuroo was already wide awake, bracing himself on the kitchen counter. Daichi could only see his profile - gorgeous, gorgeous Kuroo - but the tightness in his expression made his heart miss a beat. Trying to reassure himself that he was imagining things, Daichi closed the door behind him. “I bought breakfast.”_

_Good icebreaker. How did you break the ice with a fresh hickey of your formerly ex blooming on your neck? He hadn’t expected there to_ be _ice._

“ _Listen, about last night -”, Kuroo began, no greeting, no smile, nothing, his voice flat and cold in a way that made Daichi’s stomach twist painfully._

_No, God. No._

_No, please._

_He stood with his back to the door, a plastic bag digging into his fingers filled with ingredients for a shared breakfast and there was nothing else he could do but listen to Kuroo’s words. Words like slaps, words like needles. Words like something much worse._

“ _Can we just forget about it? It was a slip-up in the heat of the moment. I don’t want that mistake to ruin our friendship. I don't want to lose you as a friend.”_

_Kuroo turned towards him, but this time, Daichi wouldn’t meet his gaze. He was terrified what Kuroo might find in his eyes. Terrified he would see all the hurt and confusion and shock._

“ _t doesn’t matter, does it?” Kuroo asked, sounding almost desperate._

“ _No,it doesn’t,” Daichi forced out, choked out. He dropped the bag and turned on his heel, yanking the door open, stumbling back into the hallway._

_He didn’t remember how he even made it to Yui’s door. Just that he must have knocked, because she opened and broke into a smile, talking a mile an hour the second she saw him._

“ _Daichi, I heard the news! I’m so happy for - … you? Are you alright?”_

_Trembling with the effort of keeping it together, Daichi shook his head, tight-lipped and with fists at his sides. Yui immediately ushered him inside and shut the door, looking at him with wide and concerned eyes._

“ _Daichi … ? Is it … did he … ?”_

“ _It doesn’t matter to him,” Daichi forced out. “He called it a mistake.”_

_He buried his face in his hands, his skin burning at the memory of Kuroo’s hot breath against it, a million “I love you”s breathed against it yesterday, and none of it had mattered. He thought of Kuroo’s heaving chest and the vulnerability in his eyes and the softness of their kisses and the way Kuroo’s fingers had dug into his skin like he was terrified of losing Daichi._

_All this, a mistake. A_ mistake _._

_The sobs broke from his lips with so much force his throat was burning. He sank to his knees, his mind reeling, grateful when Yui pulled him into a tight, comforting hug. She didn’t say a thing. She just held him as he grieved for something that had never really been, would never be again._

“ _Hope is such a fucking_ bitch _,” he choked out, and Yui rubbed his back._

“ _I know, darling. I know.”_

 

_\---_

 

“You didn’t have to.”

“It’s fine.” Suga waved his hand, plopping down on the sofa with the tired groan of a man who had spent too much time entertaining and infant after a work day, and was then forced to take care of his friend stuck smack in a midlife crisis. “I gotta make time for my friends, too. Iwa-chan took Tobio for the evening.”

Daichi blinked at Suga. “Did you just call Iwaizumi Iwa-chan?”

Muffling a startled peal of laughter behind his hand, Suga shook his head. “Did I? Tooru is really rubbing off on me. Anyways, I take it the flat wasn’t really …what you’re looking for?”

Daichi actually barked out a laugh at the diplomatic way Suga put it. “Unless I plan on researching the effect of mold on human health, absolutely _not_.”

By all means, the appointment had been a total disaster. And even – especially – after he'd seen the flat, all Daichi still felt was hollow. By now he was desperate enough to have called Suga just so he could come over and distract himself by playing with Tobio and getting sucked into the hustle and bustle of this little setter family.

He hadn’t expected Suga to cancel everything, prepare two drinks and order him to come over as soon as possible.

Something about this still felt a little off to him, actually.

He could hear the sound of a trap snapping shut the second the doorbell rang.

“Who is this,” Daichi demanded to know, shooting Suga a glare, who answered with the most perfect cookie-cutter smile he had to offer.

“Oh, just a mutual friend of ours! I’m _sure_ she’ll have some advice for you.”

Daichi stared at him, feeling betrayed on so many levels, he didn’t know where to start. “You’re dead to me, Suga.”

His friend blew him a kiss in turn and went to let Yui into the flat, whose gaze zeroed in on Daichi immediately. She entered the living room like a storm, and Daichi knew before she left everything would be rearranged and thrown about. She'd drag every last complicated feeling from him and make him _talk_ this out and he hated everything already.

“Daichi! You don’t call me for two weeks on end and _Suga_ has to tell me what’s going on!” She crossed her arms in front of her chest, combining a pout with a killer glare, pulling of the perfect adorable-yet-deadly-look. Right now, Daichi would not have been beyond pulling an Asahi and trying to flee through the window if they hadn’t been on the fourth floor. “And worse than that, why do we always end up like this?!”

Always end up like - ?! Oh, hell no. Hell no! Daichi raised both his hands in a pacifying gesture. “Listen, I’m sorry I didn’t call - I was pretty stressed, that’s all - I’ll make it up to you, okay?”

Yui took the armchair across from him, no less intimidating as she narrowed her eyes at him still.

“You know, I can’t tell if you’re lying or honestly believe a word of what you’re saying, darling. Help me out, Suga?”

Suga returned, passing Yui a glass as well. “You know how brick-headed he can be. I guess he might even believe it. Or maybe he just wants to really badly.”

Daichi pointedly cleared his throat to make his friends aware of the fact that he was _still right next to them_.

“Do we have to pull off an intervention?” Yui sighed, clearly not thrilled at the prospect. Well, she wasn’t the only one.

“Do you guys really think it’s that bad that I’m finally ready to move on with my life? Is it really that bad to stop being dormant and try something new?”

Yui and Suga traded a glance that made Daichi want to throw his head back into the cushions of the sofa and ask the ceiling where he had gone wrong in life.

“It’s not that you’re trying to move on, that’s actually a good thing,” Yui began, carefully.

“You’re just moving in the wrong direction,” Suga offered, confusing Daichi even more, and causing Yui to turn on him

“Don’t break it to him like that! You’d think you’d be more sensitive, Suga. We have to ease him into it.”

Suga shrugged. “I just thought we’d probably have to smack him with the truth so he’d realise.”

“Shush! Let me handle this.”

“Guys?!” Daichi was about ready to get up and leave. This was bullshit. “Listen, if this has anything to do with Kuroo, I can assure you -”

“So you _are_ aware!” Yui called, pointing a finger at him. Daichi got the distinct feeling he’d regret the next minutes of his life. Profusely.

“It’s not about him. It’s about _me_ . It’s about _my life_. And I’m sick of the way it’s going so I want a change. A new flat isn’t the end of the world. It’s not like we’d stop being friends all of a sudden!”

Suga and Yui traded another _glance_. It was infuriating.

“Daichi … what we’re trying to ask here is … not even if you’re ready to cut ties with him like this. I mean, you two have been roommates since college, basically. That’s a long time.” Yui looked at Suga, a little helpless, and he nodded before he took over the speaking again.

“We’re just worried you’re trying to run away from something you should confront.”

“And running away from what,” Daichi demanded, voice hard. He knew already, and the notion of it made him want to flip something over or drive his fist through a wall. Why could people never leave him _alone_ with this. His friends. His exes. Kuroo, Kuroo, Kuroo. Always Kuroo! As if his entire fucking existence revolved around him.

Which it didn’t. It fucking didn’t.

“Y’know, don’t say it, actually. Maybe this is exactly what I’m sick off. Sick of being a fucking package deal, of everyone assuming just because he happens to be my best friend _and_ because we had _something_ for a few fucking _months_ in _High School_ \- that we can’t exist without each other!” He grabbed for his glass, emptying it with one huge gulp. When he slammed it back down on the table, Yui and Suga only stared at him.

“Are you two done? Can I leave now?”

“No! Don’t! Look, I’m sorry - we’re sorry - we didn’t mean to -” Yui looked to Suga for help again, who nodded along furiously.

“We’re gonna shut up, okay? We will! Just, stay? It’s so rare for us all to be in one place. Let’s spend a nice evening together and take our mind off things?”

“Please,” Yui added, folding her hands and turning up her most powerful puppy dog eyes. “We won't say another word about this, promise.”

Daichi ran his fingers around the rim of his glass, silent despite knowing his answer already. He sighed, then caved.

“Alright.”

It actually had been way too long.

 

\----

 

 

Kuroo was busy cooking (he'd have to learn how to do more than three dishes once Daichi was gone) when he heard the door.

Oh, so Daichi did still come back here occasionally. Blowing air through his nose, Kuroo suppressed a bitter little laugh. It did feel a lot like Daichi was already beginning to move out considering how much time he spent out of the flat.

“Mornin’”, Daichi greeted, despite it being almost noon, plopping down on a chair at the kitchen table. Kuroo very pointedly kept his back turned on him.

“I would’ve cooked for you too if I would’ve known you’d be here.”

Silence. Kuroo could feel Daichi’s gaze bore into his back.

“Are you trying to blame me for spending a night with Suga and Yui? You are aware I have friends besides you, right.”

Kuroo clutched the spatula so tightly his knuckles went white. He turned around, the frustration which had been gnawing away at him for so long lit immediately, roaring up into rage.

“Don’t treat me like a fucking child! I’d just like for you to maybe spend _some_ time here before you move out!”

Daichi got up to pour himself some water, and the silence drove Kuroo insane.

“Maybe we should stop fighting and actually enjoy our last time together,” Daichi mumbled, at last. “I’ll be gone pretty soon. The flat yesterday was a total disaster, but Yui gave me a number in the end. I've been there already, it's all looking pretty good.” Daichi shrugged and Kuroo wondered how it always ended up like this, pretending everything was alright, pretending he was okay when Daichi was trampling all over his feelings. What did Daichi expect him to do? Be happy for him?

Be happy that Daichi would manage to leave him behind this soon?

“You just can’t get away from me fast enough, can you?”

“Don’t make this about you,” Daichi growled. “Not everything I do has to be about you. And if you could stop taking this whole thing personally for just one second, maybe we wouldn’t waste our time fighting!”

Kuroo slammed down the spatula before he could follow through with his spur of the moment idea of throwing it at Daichi’s head.

“Oh, right. Sorry, I forgot I’m just some ex you broke up with years ago. Honestly, why did you even stick around?”

Daichi actually turned around at that, the glass of water in his hand, still untouched. His eyebrows furrowed. “That’s bullshit. I didn’t break up with you. _You_ broke up with _me_. Don’t twist this around the way you like it, Kuroo. If anything you were the first one of us who wanted to get rid of the other.”

This took the fucking cake. Kuroo wanted to _punch_ Daichi for this bullshit. How _dare_ he pretend it hadn’t been him who had pushed Kuroo away?! How dare he pretend it had been the other way around and accuse Kuroo of twisting things around. He’d suffered enough, even without Daichi rewriting their history together the way he deemed fit.

“You told me you ‘couldn’t do this any longer’, or have you forgotten that?” Kuroo snarled. “How convenient.” His voice had lost its explosive heat. It was cold, his words calculating. Kuroo felt a little numb and a little terrified that they might be destroying the last inkling of their friendship in one single fight if they didn't stop here now. But the snowball was already rolling downhill and gaining too much momentum to stop it.

“Because _you_ wanted _space_ !”, Daichi snapped. _“You_ were the one who wouldn’t stop fucking tip-toeing around everything! It was obvious you didn’t want me anymore! But you, _oh_ , you didn't even have the guts to just fucking break up with me! So _I_ did.” Daichi looked hurt, but Kuroo couldn't find it in himself to care about it. “A clean break-up is easier than whatever the fuck you were doing to me!”

“Excuse me!” Kuroo slammed his hand down on the kitchen counter, his hurt only spiking up his anger. He was trembling with disbelief. “That was because I _didn’t want to hold you back_ ! I was scared you’d choose Tokyo for me and abandon other future plans! I didn’t want you to regret your decisions down the road and be at fault so I - !” His voice broke. He couldn't keep going. Kuroo had sacrificed _so much_ to make sure Daichi would be happy, even in the future. For this?! “I didn't want to _break up_. I wanted you to figure out what to do without my influence!”

“Oh, do you want a fucking medal for that?” Daichi spat. “You never fucking _told_ me. What was I supposed to think?! Besides, it was my decision to make, not yours! And I _did_ choose Tokyo after all! And you know what?! I _do_ regret it! I wish I would’ve gotten away from you back then before - !”

Daichi’s words felt like they had punctured Kuroo’s lungs. It was hard to breathe, it was hard to stay upright. He clutched the kitchen counter for dear life, trying to sort through the onslaught of emotions hollowing him out with their intensity.

“So that’s how it is?” Kuroo whispered. He didn’t mean to, but his voice wouldn’t rise again.

“I didn’t mean it like -” Daichi fumbled for words, but his explanations were hollow and meant nothing in the aftermath of what he'd told Kuroo. “I’m sorry - Kuroo, I - you hurt me, back then. That … one night. I regret that night, but nothing else, okay? Not our friendship. Your friendship is important to me.”

“Well, it doesn’t fucking seem like it.” Kuroo fought hard, determined not to cry, not to let Daichi see how deep his words really cut. All of this, all of this was a special kind of hell.“And y’know what? _That night_ , how the fuck did I hurt you? Tell me, Daichi.” He raised his gaze, looking into his friend’s eyes for the first time again, saw a mirror of his own rage and hurt and confusion in those dark eyes. He couldn’t hold his gaze for long, not when he whispered his next words. “I think I was the one hurt back then, don’t you?”

He crossed his arm over his chest, feeling vulnerable and like he needed a physical barrier between his heart and Daichi across from him. Daichi who slammed his glass onto the counter with so much force, Kuroo was surprised it didn't break. Water spilled around it, still trembling as Daichi kept speaking.

“ _You_ called that night a mistake. It didn’t matter to _you_!” Daichi sounded so desperate, so breathless in all his anger. His voice was ragged around the edges. Both of them were barely keeping it together.

Kuroo wanted all this to end.

He wondered if their friendship had only made it this far because they had never talked about any of this. He wondered if anything would be left of it after they were done here. He raised his head, ready to get all this over with.

“Didn’t matter to me?!” Kuroo laughed, bitter, the pain so old and yet he could still feel the ache of it. “It’s a miracle I wasn’t hoarse the next morning considering how many times I told you I loved you, don’t you think? And you didn’t say a single fucking word in return. It was obvious you didn’t care.”

Daichi moved, suddenly way too close, crowding Kuroo against the counter, glaring at him. He’d reached out to wrap his fingers around Kuroo’s wrist, the contact of skin on skin burning.

“I did not have the _words_ to tell you. How on _earth_ did you think I wasn’t completely and utterly in love with you?! I was ready to offer you my beating heart on a silver platter if you so much as asked, Tetsurou! How did you let me touch you like I did and think there wasn’t love in everything I did that night?!”

Kuroo did not think. It was so easy, too. He brought his hands up to cup Daichi’s cheeks and kissed him, his heart dancing and hammering in his chest all at once, unsure whether to be pleased or still ready to wreak havoc and bleed.

But Daichi stayed completely stiff under the touch, his hands came up, flat against Kuroo's shoulders. Even before he began to push, Kuroo pulled away, searching Daichi's face for anything that wouldn’t completely shatter his hope.

It was futile.

“Don’t do this,” Daichi demanded, voice rough. “Don’t, Kuroo. It’s over. You and me, it’s over with. I can’t do this, okay?” He looked up at him and there was so much _pain_ in his gaze, written over his features. He looked so _sad_ , Kuroo didn’t care about having his heart broken. He didn't care about the anger and hurt and misunderstandings and their idiotic shouting.

All he wanted to do was cheer Daichi back up and bring the smile back to his face.

“All the tip-toeing and questioning. I’m tired, Kuroo. I’ve suffered enough. You and me, we’re not good for each other. Look at us. We’ve only brought each other pain, haven’t we?”

Daichi reached up gently, brushing his thumb across Kuroo’s cheek. _Oh_. Kuroo was crying. He hadn’t realised. Not until now.

“It’s time for us to say goodbye, Tetsurou,” Daichi whispered. “I think it’s for the better, for both of us.”

“Don’t go” Kuroo gasped, trying to reach out for Daichi’s hand, who dodged the touch as if he had anticipated the gesture. He probably had.

“I care about you too much to put you through more of this,” was his answer, his smile still so unbearably sad. “Take care, okay? Promise me you will.”

Kuroo only nodded, feeling completely numb. He wasn’t sure if ‘you, too’ ever left his lips. And then Daichi turned around and left.

And Kuroo found himself in a kitchen with a burned pan and silence. Emptiness.

 

\---

 

Kuroo spent the aftermath curled into a little ball and wrapped in blankets, Solia K. Rabu, Gumshoe and Creampuff scattered all over him. At first they’d been meowing and licking his face when the tears were still coming, but as Kuroo settled down, so did the little troublemakers. They’d fallen asleep one by one, Solia at his feet, Creampuff lying proudly on his shoulders and Gumshoe curled into his face in a way that forced Kuroo to occasionally shuffle a little so he could still breathe. One hand resting on Gumshoe’s fur, feeling the soft vibration of his purr, Kuroo closed his eyes and rested like that, trying his hardest to wrap himself up in a tight cocoon which would keep the reality of what had happened from crashing down on him.

Until suddenly, Yaku was almost towering before him, a mix of worry and definite discontentment written over his face.

“Daichi called me so I’d come and see how you’re doing. What the fuck happened, Kuroo? He sounded so off, what did you do? What happened?”

Kuroo buried himself deeper under blankets and kittens.

“Shit,” Yaku cursed softly. “Did you - tell him?”

A broken little laugh escaped Kuroo. Tell him? What the fuck had they been doing? Just yelling at each other and hurting each other. Maybe Daichi had been right after all. Maybe this was all for the better, no matter how much it hurt right now.

“Someone started screaming. It ended with me kissing him. It was about as much of a trainwreck as it sounds. I’m fine and you can leave.”

His friend seeing him as pathetic as he was at the moment wasn’t exactly high up on the bucket list of things to do for the next few days or possibly weeks. (Tons of chocolate and getting into dumb shit they should be too old for with Bokuto was.) All his tears were dried up, had already been spilled. He felt exhausted to his bones, his eyes were burning and all Kuroo wanted to do was to sleep and sleep until he could wake up and the world would be right again. Or at least until it would stop hurting that much. Everything was hurting so much.

“I’m not leaving you like this.” He could feel Yaku sit down on the armrest of the sofa, then gentle fingers running through his hair. Kuroo kept his eyes closed. “It was pretty brave of you either way, to put yourself out there like that.”

“It was idiotic,” Kuroo mumbled into Gumshoe’s fur. “And I’m not brave. I never was. He loved me, Yaku. Back then. He loved me and I was too terrified to just … fucking wait it out. Had to go spout crap about mistakes to save a friendship I ruined now anyway.”

Kuroo groaned, the full impact of everything truly hitting him now that he was saying it out loud. “He _loved me_. And now he doesn’t anymore. And I -” There were no tears left in him, but he still choked up, couldn’t keep going. “Fuck,” he cursed, trying to curl up even further.

“Did he tell you like that? That he didn’t love you anymore?” Yaku asked, still so gentle and patient and Kuroo wished he wouldn’t. Maybe he just wanted to wallow in his own misery without witnesses.

“He’s tired of the back and forth. He thinks we only ever hurt each other, and maybe he’s right. I should just let him go. Someone else can make him so much happier than I ever could.”

“Idiot,” Yaku chided, tapping his temple with his pointer and middle finger. “And that’s where you are wrong.”

Taken aback by his friend’s words, Kuroo untangled himself from the suffocating but comforting little nest of cats and blankets to blink up at him in confusion. “How am I wrong? What am I supposed to do instead?! He doesn’t want me anymore. And I can’t keep going like this either.”

“You’ll figure it out,” Yaku said with so much conviction that some last little candle of hope seemed to flick back on, barely illuminate a path for the future where Daichi and him wouldn’t go their separate ways. Maybe they could still be friends. Maybe not everything was lost. The space might do them good, even.

Yaku was incredible like that. One sentence, and the world didn't seem so dark anymore. Kuroo wondered when he had last told his friend how incredible he truly was to him. He should do that soon. Kenma, too. They deserved it.

“For now,” Yaku told him, still with that little smile, trying to ease him into a proper sitting position despite the protest of the kittens. “Time to get your mind off things. I called Kenma and Bokuto over, Kenma’s bringing the N64. It’s time for Mario Kart.”

There were neither friends nor mercy in Mario Kart. And most of all no broken hearts. Kuroo awkwardly managed to wrap one arm around Yaku and squeeze him. “You’re the best.”

“Flattery will get you nowhere, I’ll wipe the floor with you.”

Kuroo’s gaze snapped up. “Bring it on and taste my red shells, fucker.”

He truly did have the best friends in the world.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so after THIS how about a fun fact:  
> Kuroo asked Kenma, Yaku and Bokuto to name the kittens. Bokuto immediately went for Solia K. Rabu, Kenma for a video game character (Gumshoe) and Yaku flat-out refused until one kitten climbed on his lap and he fell in love and called it Creampuff because it was Soft and Pure.  
> Also: Kenma used to have the spare key to the flat, but he used it to dodge Lev when he annoyed him too much, so in the end Kuroo gave it to Yaku instead. 
> 
> Sorry for all the sin and tears this chapter. 
> 
> And a special shout-out to Vika, Stephy and the twitt gang for keeping me sane during my minor breakdown. I have the best friends, too.


	3. Haven't Had Enough

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Testing, testing, I'm just suggesting,_   
>  _You and I might not be the best thing_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This fic is coming to an end, which means I'm losing my opportunity to listen to Mariana's Trench on repeat the entire time while writing and editing :'D

Being roommates with Asahi was strange.

So different and polite and … tidy. No fights over the remote, no pillows thrown at each other for dumb comments. No kicking or worse. For one, Asahi had never threatened he'd lick Daichi's hand, held in a semi-headlock in the fight over the last slice of pizza.

Despite trying his hardest to appreciate his less childish new routine, Daichi never quite managed to convince himself that this was actually anything he wanted. Not enough to feel anything but hollow when he curled up on the futon at night. This was not his home, and even less of what he had been seeking.

Change had never included losing Kuroo completely. He couldn't even face him anymore. To a point where Daichi would rather stay with Asahi until he found a proper flat than set one foot back into his former home.

Bless his friend for helping him out as readily as he did. Maybe someone else might have granted Daichi a place to stay as well, but Asahi was calm and gentle, offering his help in small ways like sharing snacks, offering extra blankets and a cup of tea without fail whenever Daichi looked his most tired and worn out.

Never once did he needle him about any of it or tried to force him to talk. Honestly, talking was the last thing Daichi would have wanted to do right now. So, yes. Asahi's company was very much appreciated. As was his help in the small undercover missions Daichi kept running. Since he knew Kuroo's schedule, it was easy to sneak into the flat whenever he was out and always carry some more boxes stuffed with his belongings out. Lying in bed at night, Daichi tried his hardest not to imagine Kuroo realising what was going on. The only remotely comforting thought was that at least, Kuroo wasn't entirely alone. The damn kittens were wreaking havoc and keeping him company.

Daichi had taken away some scratches from them mistaking his hand for the funniest toy around, but they weren’t that bad, actually. It made Daichi sad that he didn’t even know what Kuroo had named them.

Probably something horrible.

Things like these made his chest constrict and ache to a point where sometimes, Daichi felt like ignoring everything, waiting for Kuroo until he returned home, to walk up to him and just hug him until they could go back to normal. Or maybe just to listen to his breathing and find out again what silence between them might feel like, if it wasn't loaded with helpless anger and confusion.

Daichi missed Kuroo in everything his life was lacking now, a gaping wound which did not seem to heal in the slightest, to get worse even as the weeks passed.

But all this, it was for the better. _It was for the better_. Those words became his mantra.

Never again did Daichi want to make Kuroo cry. And never again did he want to cry over Kuroo. They had hurt each other enough for a lifetime. So all that was left to do was to stay away from Kuroo, to get the space between them they might have needed years ago already.

He told Suga and Yui, too, that it all was for the better, that he needed to finally close this chapter of his life. (Needed to try coming out of this with his heart left in pieces.) Despite them staying noisy, convinced they knew what was best for him, eventually they backed off and barely mentioned any of their advice anymore. Around the time Daichi finally moved, nobody had mentioned Kuroo's name in almost too long. Missing him never stopped, but dealing with it became second nature.

And now he was here. Staring at his new home with bare walls and not a soul there but for him, no clutter but for the mess he would make, no decorations Kuroo had literally wrestled him for on the living room carpet. And Daichi did not know what he felt. This was not the cheerful new note with which his new life had been supposed to start.

Not that he was surprised, in the face of the ruins this new beginning had left. Honestly, it only felt like an end. The worst, most painful end to something that had been good, had been precious, and Daichi had thrown it all away. 

Yui screwed his shelves to the walls and built up all the IKEA furniture for him and Suga helped unpack his belongings and forced him to put up some curtains. But even after all the boxes had been discarded and everything was in place, the only sign of any life were Tobio’s scribbles on the kitchen wall after he had found some sharpies while Daichi was babysitting him.

Day to day life was a little bit too normal, too regular, too empty without Kuroo. But this was what Daichi had chosen. 

The best for both of them.

There was no going back. 

 

\---

 

“Okay, I’m done with you moping around,” was Yui’s opening sentence as she slid into the booth across from him, balancing two plates with a slice of cake each on them. Both were for her. (‘If I have to eat for two and gain tons of weight, _I’ll do it right._ ’)

She tore into the strawberry cake first, the time she needed to chew enough for Daichi to anticipate the worst. He’d been right to.

“I set up a blind date for you and you’ll go and if I have to beat you there. And you know I would,” she added, narrowing her eyes in a threat.

Daichi did not doubt her. That didn’t mean he’d just comply, though.

“I don’t feel like dating anyone at the moment, okay? I’m still trying to orientate myself where I am right now.” Now that he had started changing what was in his power, Daichi had found himself more stuck in longing for the past than motivated to work on a future he could actually enjoy.

And a _date_ was the least he needed at the moment. Not after that disaster with Kuroo.

“You’ve been ‘orientating’ yourself by locking yourself up in your empty flat for a month on end,” Yui summed up, absolutely ruthless even while she had started on the chocolate cake, too. “And I’m done with it. Suga’s on my side. You have no chance, Daichi. Don’t even try to get out of this one.”

It didn’t look like he did have a choice. Why on earth did his friends have to _meddle_ so much.

“C’mon,” Yui added, with a frankly terrifying smile. “It’s just a blind date. It’s not like you have to marry the guy.”

“Fine,” Daichi groaned, just to get her off his case, already regretting his decision.

 

\---

 

Daichi hadn’t planned to put much effort into his looks for a blind date he didn’t care about, but found himself caught up in the feeling of doing something special again. Suddenly, Daichi _wanted_ to look and feel good, just for himself, just because he could. He caught a glimpse of his own reflection in the mirror, taking a bit of time to look at himself, making sure to square his shoulders and raise his chin.

Yes, his life might not be going the way he had meant it to. Especially not at the moment.

But Daichi was still _himself_. Things didn't have to stay this way. Now he’d go spend a night out with pleasant conversation and good food, and who knew. Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad after all.

Maybe this could be a first step forwards after all.

Daichi felt a lot more self-confident, attractive even, when he arrived at the restaurant. A little too fancy for his liking, something he would've never picked for a first date, but oh well. He would try to be open for what the evening had in store for him. This didn't have to matter beyond getting out of his damn flat for one evening.

The waitress was a small woman whose mouth fell open when he told her his name. She nodded wildly, seemingly excited beyond reason, and Daichi had a horrible gut feeling as he followed her when she led him to the table.

The gut feeling did not betray him.

Sitting there, waiting for him, was the least person he’d expected or wanted to meet here. It felt like a punch to the gut just to _see_ him again after so long, and Daichi stopped so dead in his tracks, the waitress almost flinched at it.

“Sir, is there a problem?” she asked, clearly nervous. For her sake Daichi squared his shoulders and shook his head.

“No, don’t worry. Thank you.” She nodded hastily, turning on her heel after Daichi had reassured her again that everything was fine. Then he took the last few steps so he could stand next to the empty chair reserved for him, bracing one hand on its back. He did not intend to stay, but that didn’t stop him from looking at Kuroo, truly looking at him, trying to keep in check what this simple encounter did to him.

A second of seeing him, and all of Dacihi’s lies about how well he was doing considering the circumstances were swept away in an instant. He tried to hate Kuroo for that, at least a little, but found it futile. The fondness he felt for him was still too strong, no matter how many wounds it had suffered in the meantime.

Kuroo looked like he always did, his hair a little more tidy than usual (Daichi knew exactly how much time that must have taken) and nothing short of gorgeous in a neat dark suit. His smile tried to be a smirk, but failed utterly since he seemed far too shy and nervous.

“Hey,” he greeted him. “I’m sort of your blind date.”

“I’m leaving.” Daichi turned to do just that, but Kuroo jumped up from his chair so fast, people around started turning their heads at them. “No, please, Daichi - five minutes,” Kuroo pleaded. “Give me five minutes. Five minutes are all I need, okay?”

Daichi hesitated. Even one minute - without words spoken between them - had almost been too much already.

“Just allow me to talk? C’mon, I tried to tame my hair for this. Appreciate my sacrifice.”

Daichi groaned, turned and sat down on the chair with a little too much force. Kuroo did the same, a lot more cautiously, fidgeting as he was facing Daichi. Leaving was the safer choice. But Daichi couldn't find it in himself to even try, not if he could indulge himself in those few minutes at least. Five minutes, and nothing more.

“You get exactly five minutes. What do you want to talk about?”

Kuroo started playing with a napkin, then ran his fingers across a fork. “I’d say it’s more of an offer.”

“... An offer,” Daichi repeated, taken off guard. Yui must have known about this. Suga, too. Those ruthless meddlers, they would regret this.

“Well …” Kuroo chuckled, running his hand through his hair. He must have been really, incredibly nervous. Almost trying too hard. Daichi’s heart ached with an intensity the pain hadn’t reached in a while, not since he had started pushing all thoughts of Kuroo away as far as he could. “I would have offered you my beating heart on a silver platter, but I figured … that’d be a little impractical since I also intend to offer you my future.”

He said all this without hesitation, even when his voice sounded just the tiniest bit strained, as if he had practiced that sentence over and over just so he could force it out without fail. And then he reached into his pocket and slid a small box across the table. Daichi knew what was coming even before Kuroo flipped it open. But he couldn’t believe this was actually happening.

“You’re fucking kidding me,” he blurted, eyes transfixed on the ring. “You -”

Kuroo had the gal to shush him, raising one finger to his own lips. “Quiet, love. I still have five minutes to talk.”

And Daichi complied, partly because he didn’t have the words anyway. He just stared at the ring sitting there, daunting, and Kuroo’s hands, back to fidgeting on the table. The silence hung heavily between them, until Kuroo exhaled.

“Jeez … this is hard, but I guess I better get going, time's running. Just promise not to laugh at me, okay?” He seemed sincere, and it broke Daichi's heart a little. He wouldn't go along with this, but that didn't mean he would ever laugh at Kuroo when he was vulnerable and earnest like this.

“I never stopped loving you, Daichi.” Daichi held his breath, putting his face in his palms. He couldn't got through this again. He _couldn't_. But he'd gone ahead and allowed Kuroo to speak, so all he could do was listen. “I never stopped wanting you. And can you truly look me in the eye and tell me you’re over me, completely over me? I don’t think so. I think your answer is ‘no’. At least I hope so or I would just be making a fool of myself here.” Again with that nervous chuckle. Daichi wondered how Kuroo even managed to say all this out loud without combusting. Could keep going, when Daichi couldn't even bring himself to look at him. “And weren’t both of us only hurt because we never told each other exactly this? That we wanted each other, whole and without compromises?”

Daichi shook his head in the lingering silence. What was Kuroo _thinking_? He forced himself to look up, feeling stiff and cold and helpless.

“We didn’t even manage to save our friendship, and you’re asking me to marry you?”

Kuroo must have been kidding him. This was about the dumbest idea he had ever had, and one time Kuroo had gotten himself into the hospital by trying to shred down a stair handrail on heelys.

“Honestly, Daichi. What do we have to lose?” Daichi bit his lip, and Kuroo’s speech gained a little more momentum at the lack of protest. “Instead of a futile attempt of restoring the rubble, _again_ , why don’t we just give something new a chance?”

But Daichi didn’t know what to answer. Even if they did this, wouldn’t they just find another way of running this into the ground? Marriage just gave them a whole new world of possibilities for fights and misunderstandings and eventual failure. Their past had taught them already that this idea was … simply the worst.

“Don’t panic, okay. I know it seems like a big thing, but … nothing’s set in stone yet. We won’t marry tomorrow, or anytime soon. It’s … more like a promise. You can wear the ring and know I’m all yours.” And suddenly, for the first time since he had gone on this rant, Kuroo actually faltered. He cut himself off, fidgeting even worse now, his voice quiet and barely-there as he forced out his next sentence. “I-if … that was something … you wanted …”

Kuroo sat drawn in on himself, his arms now crossed in front of his chest as if trying to protect himself a little, after he had made himself this vulnerable. His cheeks were bright red and he was biting his lip, gaze darting around without ever meeting Daichi’s.

He’d said all this, put himself out there like this.

It mattered to him.

Kuroo truly meant everything he had said.

 _What do we have to lose_?

Daichi bit his lip, and stuck out his hand without saying anything. Kuroo almost flinched back to attention, staring at Daichi’s hand, at his face, then at his hand again. He did not move.

“Would you … give me the ring?” Daichi asked awkwardly, feeling his own face heat up, too, now.

With shaking fingers, Kuroo nodded and grasped for the ring, turned Daichi’s hand around and dropped it into his palm with an unsure little “Uh?”

Daichi groaned, more exasperated at his lack of words than Kuroo's confused gesture, but Kuroo did seem to take it as something against him, about to draw his hand back as if he'd been slapped. Daichi reached out and held it where it was, without thinking. It felt a little nostalgic. The look of uncertainty and hope in Kuroo's eyes, their palms fitting together like they had back then, like maybe, they always would.

Daichi ran his thumb across Kuroo’s skin in a mindless, soothing little gesture. “That was my way of trying to say yes,” he admitted, beyond flustered.

Kuroo blew out air through his nose. “Really?”

“Really.”

“You’re sure?! You’re not kidding me, Daichi, are you? That’d be low.”

“I’m not kidding you, Tetsurou. I want to give this a shot.”

“Oh,” Kuroo gasped, soundless. And then, much louder and ringing with a million emotions, “ _Oh_!”

The smile spreading on his face lit up everything, took the protectiveness from his posture. Daichi loved everything about that open expression, because this was what belonged on Kuroo's face. Joy. Breathless, mindless joy.

His smile alone was worth Daichi’s answer.

“So, can I - may I -?” Kuroo asked, his voice almost getting away from him in his excitement. If Daichi had not still been holding his hand, he was sure Kuroo would have started fidgeting again. The ring still lay in his open palm, heavy and slowly warming against his skin. And Kuroo's smile reached Daichi, too, he realised only now. His smile was so wide the corners of his mouth were aching, and energy started thrumming through his veins, leaving him ready to stand up right here and now and run through this restaurant fist-pumping the air, cheering and screaming and jumping over tables.

He didn’t, of course. Instead he waited with bated breath and a stuttering heart for Kuroo to carefully slid the ring on his finger, Kuroo's daze darting up over and over, his smile getting a hint wider each time their eyes met.

The ring fit perfectly. An unsuspecting silver band, but it carried so much weight, such a huge promise for them.

When Kuroo tried to pull his hand back, Daichi reached out for it again, and that was how they really started this evening: their entwined hands resting on the table between them, Kuroo’s fingers brushing over the ring on Daichi’s over and over again as if he couldn’t believe it. Still needed to feel physical proof. But in all this sudden, blinding happiness, Daichi still forced himself to stay realistic.

If he wanted this to stay, to work out, he couldn’t expect things to simply fall into place.

“I don’t think I should move back in yet,” he started, cautiously. Kuroo nodded, attentive. He looked at Daichi with his head high, all his attention on what he had to say.

 _We both want to make this work so bad_ , Daichi thought. _It’s not impossible. It can’t be_.

“I think we should take this slow instead.”

Kuroo nodded again. “We could just … start dating all over? We could have all our firsts again.”

Imagining that made Daichi smile even wider. “Yeah, I’d like that.”

Kuroo’s answering grin was bright, bright like he was. Beautiful.

“Man, I’m a little nervous now. This is my first date with my fiancé.”

The word fiancé struck Daichi straight through the heart. He almost choked on his own spit and turned red again in his desperate struggle not to start coughing. Kuroo threw his head back and laughed at him, just as if they were a couple of idiotic fumbling teenagers all over again, failing to keep it cool on their first date. Daichi loved it.

Every single second of it.

And he whole-heartedly, irrationally, stubbornly loved Kuroo Tetsurou.

“You bastard,” he choked, and Kuroo winked at him and blew him a kiss, then squeezed his hand. His eyes were alight with _so much_ satisfaction for having flustered Daichi.

Daichi wanted to kiss him really, really badly. Later, maybe. If Kuroo would insist on walking him home like a gentleman. Daichi had a feeling he would.

Kuroo quirked up his eyebrows, resting his head on his hand as he leaned forwards. “I have another proposition to make, actually.”

The light air between them got a little more serious again, but Daichi didn’t mind. “Tell me.”

“Communication. We really, _really_ need to work on our communication. So, I propose: nothing but the truth from here on out.”

Daichi nodded. If they’d get that in check, nothing much could still shake them. “Yes. Nothing but the truth from here on out.”

They squeezed their hands, smiling at each other across the table. Neither of them noticed the waitress had returned until she cleared her throat. She seemed second-hand flustered by interrupting their intimacy and Daichi almost felt bad for her for a second, before suddenly she beamed at Kuroo.

“So I take it all went well?”

She had _known_ . Probably _everyone_ had known.

“Yes,” Kuroo breathed out with a smile. “Thank you, I really appreciate it.”

She waved her hand. “Eh, don’t mind, don’t mind! I just kept the other waiters away from your table until you two figured it out. The champagne is on the house!” She placed two glasses in front of them, now making sure to smile at Daichi, too. “Honestly, congratulations! I’m very happy for you two!”

She passed them the menu, too, ready to leave again when Kuroo added: “Once we marry, you’ll definitely be in charge of flowers.”

With a delighted little squeak, she thanked Kuroo profusely, then hurried off with a happy skip in her steps. In response to Daichi’s unwavering questioning gaze, Kuroo smiled a little shyly. “Hey, don’t judge. I’ve been here half an hour early and she practically held my hand through my terror. If you'd been in my shoes you would've been grateful for anything, even passionate rants about flowers.”

“Was it that bad?” Daichi asked, even if he already knew the answer. Kuroo must have gone insane waiting here for him. Planning all this without knowing what would come of it.

Daichi was unbearably grateful for it.

“Worse. I almost died. All of this for you, Sawamura! You better appreciate it.”

“I do,” Daichi replied, without missing a beat. Catching Kuroo off guard. “I do,” he repeated, lacing their fingers a little more tightly so that Kuroo could feel the ring press against his skin, warm by now. Warm between them.

“Well,” Kuroo mumbled, definitely a blushing and flustered mess. “Keep that sentence for later, I guess.”

It took Daichi a second, and since he'd already filled his cheesy, blushy quota for the evening, he just laughed. Freely and happily and feeling as if shackles had fallen from him. As if nothing could hold him down any longer.

“Patience, love,” he breathed, trying to shoot Kuroo a smirk for once. It did seem to work. Kuroo coughed, clearly trying to keep his composure and distract himself.

“Anyways!” He took his glass and raised it with a smile, his cheeks still with a slight splotchy red to them, and his eyes shining. “To better communication, and to our engagement?”

Daichi's heart squeezed together in joy so sweet, it was almost painful, but not quite. He could get used to this, he truly could get used to this feeling.

“To better communication and our engagement,” Daichi repeated, clinking their glasses together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _Testing, testing, I'm just suggesting,_   
>  _You and I might just be the best thing._


	4. Epilogue: No Place Like Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _I swear when I grow up I won't just buy you a rose_   
>  _I will buy the flower shop, and you will never be lonely_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Do you ever. Forget. That you did not actually post the epilogue yet. So you don't do it for ages EVEN THOUGH IT'S JUST WAITING TO BE UPLOADED I'm a huge loser and I can't stop laughing about myself, sorry for the wait guys!
> 
> (Btw so far the songs PERFECTLY fit the chapters they were named after but this time I simply snatched the nicest title JUST SO YOU KNOW.)

When Kuroo drifted into consciousness, the blinds barely let a hint of sunlight fall into the bedroom, which would have made for an incredibly peaceful experience had his nose not been shoved into Gumshoe's fur. (He didn't have to open his eyes to know it was him, his adorable kitten habit hadn't stopped but become an actual health hazard as Kuroo spent every night expecting for this damn huge cat to accidentally choke him after all.)

With a small grumble he tried to get his nose out of the cat’s fur, inching back, refusing to let his consciousness win against the sweet lull of sleep. Despite the nagging feeling he'd missed something important, cuddling closer to Daichi's warmth seemed like the far better option to him. His husband sighed against his neck, shuffling a bit closer in turn and wrapping an arm around him from behind. Kuroo sighed, making the effort to dig his hand out from under the blanket so he could lace his fingers with Daichi's.

Yeah, this was the way to start a morning. Cuddles, no cat butt in his face, and perfect peace.

Right until the door was flung open with so much force it bounced back off the wall.

“You’ve _got_ to be kidding me! You’re still asleep?!”

Daichi grunted and pushed himself up. Kuroo left it at groaning and blearily blinking his eyes open.

Aw, shit.

Now he remembered.

“Tobio will be there before me at this rate!”, Shouyou accused, his hands flaring out wildly. “I can’t let him win!”

“You’re on the same team,” Daichi groaned. “What difference does it make?”

Kuroo jabbed him in the ribs too late to keep him from asking that question. They’d been over this about a million times already, at this point _asking_ just invited their son to go on yet another rant.

And of course, there it was. As Shouyou started listing off why exactly he had to beat Tobio and why his dumb face would be worth it and how he'd definitely be better than him _(they were on the same team for goodness' sake!),_ Kuroo forced himself to finally get up and rub the sleep from his eyes. He pressed a quick kiss to Daichi’s cheek, squeezed past Shouyou in the doorway and picked up a sleepy Natsu who had followed the ruckus her brother was making. She sleepily wrapped her arms around his neck as he carried her along into the kitchen.

“Mornin’, Princess! Ready to cheer on your big bro today?”

She nodded pretty enthusiastically for a child with her mouth open in a wide yawn. Chuckling, Kuroo sat her down on a chair, where she sat rubbing at her tired eyes but her feet already dangling back and forth, her excitement battling the fatigue. Meanwhile, Kuroo tried to prepare the quickest breakfast possible which didn’t pose the danger of Shouyou choking on it in his desperate rush.

“I bet you Uncle Suga is already on his way because he wouldn’t _sleep in_ on such an important day!” Shouyou complained, making his way into the kitchen, immediately starting to inhale his food, as anticipated. He only choked one time, and Natsu made sure to hit his back as hard as she could with her tiny hand.

“I can assure you if Suga would be in a car right now he wouldn’t be clear to drive because he needs another two hours to be fully awake yet,” Daichi shot right back, sending Kuroo a grateful smile when he offered him a coffee mug. Leaning against the counter, Daichi breathed the aroma in deeply, his elbow brushing Kuroo's as he started slicing carrots Natsu could munch on later. With Shouyou's mouth stuffed and Daichi recharging his caffeine levels, the morning was quiet for at least two beautiful minutes.

Then, Shouyou screeched like he’d been struck by an arrow, jumping up to wave his phone around in front of Daichi’s and Kuroo’s faces wildly. “You see this?! You see this?! I told you so!”

Daichi reached out to steady Shouyou’s hand so they could actually _see_.

It was a picture of Oikawa flashing a peace sign from the car and sticking out his tongue he had no doubt forced Tobio to take and send.

“That’s it!” Daichi put down the coffee cup, and Kuroo knew that kind of stubborn gesture far too well. Internally, he waved a family breakfast or anything resembling a quiet morning goodbye. “Son, you’re finished eating. We’re leaving right this instant. We will _not_ lose to him!”

Daichi pushed himself away from the counter and rushed out of the kitchen. Shouyou followed dutifully. Kuroo couldn’t believe _he_ had to be the voice of reason here. Not that he expected it to have much of an effect on Daichi and Shouyou if they had set their combined mind to something.

“We’re perfectly in time for the match, it doesn’t matter when we arrive -”

“We can’t lose to Tobio!” Hinata called back stubbornly from the room over, bag haphazardly slung across his shoulder and – somehow – also looped around his right arm. Kuroo could see him almost stumble into the wall as he tried to put his shoes on without opening the laces. Daichi grabbed his shoulder last second to hold him upright, sending Kuroo a gaze that was probably meant to be apologetic but seemed far too competitive for that.

“You can take the other car and follow with Natsu later,” Daichi offered, grabbing his bag, causing Shouyou to cheer and jump up. If they hadn't eventually switched out the lamp, Shouyou would have probably jumped right into it again.

“Nooooo!” Natsu protested, crossing her arms and pouting. “Wanna go with Dad and Shouyou!”

Kuroo heaved a breathless little laugh. Everyone in this family was far, far too stubborn. “Guess that settles it, then. We'll take your food along and you can finish it in the car!”

Natsu raised her arms above her head and cheered “Yes! Yes!”, her legs kicking out. With a sigh Kuroo abandoned what could have been a nice family breakfast and joined the hasty battle to get to the gym before the others would, trying to pack enough food. Daichi tried to help him and ended up being more in the way than anything in his haste.

“Okay, ready to go!” Shouyou cheered once the bag with supplies was packed, right when Kuroo realised, “We forgot the cats!”

Shouyou scared the three cats right away from the kitchen when he rushed in, dumped a can into their bowl in record time and sprinted back, shouting “Ready to go!” before he barrelled ahead down the stairs, Daichi following his son with the bags. His left shoe barely on, Kuroo picked up Natsu again and closed the door behind them with a heavy sigh.

What a hassle.

And still, he wouldn’t have it any other way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _For even if the sun stops waking up over the fields_   
>  _I will not leave, I will not leave 'til it's our time_   
>  _So just take my hand, you know that I will never leave your side_
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> Thank you so so so so so so so much for your feedback and for going on this short and crazy ride with me!! <3


End file.
